Degrees Of Separation

Some children will struggle with the first days of kinder, and for others it will be a breeze, says Dr Elizabeth Reed - and the same could be said for parents.

"Few parents reach late January without some anxiety over how their children will settle in to the year ahead. And never more so than when their child is starting kinder and has had little time away from their parents.

"Children pass this milestone in myriad ways. Some can't wait to race off and finger-paint or climb on the monkey bars. The more social among them will delight in seeing new faces and having different people to share their chatter with. But for others there will be reluctance and tears and an unwillingness to let go of their parent's hand. ..."

Between The Lines

Dyslexia is a complex and much misunderstood condition, writes Karen Thomson.

"Among those children back at school, excited and eager to see their friends after the long summer holidays, are the 10 per cent who are dyslexic. For them, returning to school can be a time of dread and anxiety.

"Twelve years ago, as we prepared our son for his first day of kinder, we had no idea that over the next five years his life would be dominated by a series of tests to determine what was affecting his learning. Our hopes and dreams for Alexander that day were no doubt similar to those of countless parents before us. They didn't factor in dyslexia. ..."

Responding To Risk

The Children's Protection Society is providing an innovative program at a dedicated centre for children from troubled backgrounds, writes Margaret Langdon.

"Among the thousands of children starting school in Victoria this year are six kids carrying a lot of expectations along with their school bags. The children had been attending the Child & Family Centre run by the Children's Protection Society (CPS), which is designed specifically to help some of the State's most vulnerable children - those at risk of abuse and neglect.

"The Heidelberg West centre, which opened two years ago, aims to give its group of at-risk children a positive start to their school lives. According to CPS early-childhood services manager Janet Williams-Smith, children with backgrounds of abuse and neglect can present challenging behaviours at school, leading to a downward spiral of negative experiences. ..."

Cycle Or Circle?

John Thompson-Mills looks at a program helping schools with conflict resolution and relationship-building among students.

" ‘When teachers come into our room they're always complimenting us on our ability to work together,' says Halima, Year 7 student at Magill School. ‘They can't find any faults in our teamwork. That's all because of restorative practices.'

"Magill, in Adelaide's eastern suburbs, is one of hundreds of Australian schools embracing restorative practices (RP) to help manage conflict, repair harm and strengthen relationships among students.

"Originally devised in the 1970s as a method of mediation between victims and offenders in the criminal-justice system, RP has broadened to include the wider community. RP's main premise is that people are more likely to make positive changes when those in authority do things with them, rather than to, or for them, and its use in schools has been shown to reduce misbehaviour, bullying, violence and crime and improve the overall climate for learning. ..."

Foundation Recipe

Handing on some family wisdom to her granddaughter gives Mary Pearl a new lease on life.

"My granddaughter Rachel and I have a history of cooking ‘googie' eggs. When she was four, she would stand on a chair to reach the kitchen bench, crack the eggs and stir the mixture in the frypan with a wooden spoon. Now that she's seven, Rachel reaches the bench on her own, and we have graduated to more sophisticated dishes like sponge cake and pumpkin soup.

"The recipes are my mum's; I sat at her kitchen table and took notes. Now I'm passing decades' worth of accumulated culinary wisdom on to Rachel..."

The Write Time

After some initial anxiety, Donna Webeck draws the line at forcing her son to write before he is ready.

"The meeting of milestones by our children is something many parents agonise over.

"At the start it seems harmless - the first smile, giggle, solid food. Then the big guns come out - crawling, walking, talking. How many teeth do they have? Are they sleeping through the night? Eventually it morphs into more tedious territory: is my child on a par with others their age? Are they falling behind? Will they be frustrated if they're ahead but being held back?

"I coasted along this comparison-strewn highway relatively carefree until I read a third-birthday card my son received. In it, one of his friends had scrawled his own name - and he wasn't even three. ..."

Journey Into The Unknown

Rosalyn Sandwell wishes she knew what she was in for when she had children - or does she?

"My biological clock was once so loud I half expected a cuckoo to stick its head out every hour and say ‘Baby time!' Then the day I found out I was pregnant I couldn't stop crying: tears of joy and excitement, and tears of regret for all the things I didn't do because I was too busy wanting a hubby and a baby. What a basket-case!

"After nine months of excitement and preparation, out she came. Tears again, because it really was the most magical experience of my life. I had adored her in utero, and now that Ruby was in my arms, I knew I would do anything for her.

"Three weeks later we were doing the colic/silent-reflux dance, and I believed I would never stop crying, nor sleep again. I knew she was in pain and I could do nothing. ..."

Happy To Help

Volunteering mum Suzy Mills is delighted to find she's cool at school.

"I'm not sure who enjoys my weekly canteen duty more - my boys, or me. I get such a thrill when I see the grins on their faces as they rush to be first in line. Of course, they're happy to see me in the middle of their school day, but I suspect their enthusiasm may also have something to do with the ‘free' stuff they get (which they pay for with a kiss over the counter). ..."

Taught By Sport

Reluctant soccer mum Sue Osborne sidelines sport, until she finally understands its higher goals.

"I hate watching my daughter play sport. There, I've said it. It's un-Australian I know, but I can't help it. Sometimes, when the guilt gets to me, I drag my carcass out of bed at 8am on a Sunday and join my enthusiastic husband to sit on a freezing sideline and watch that all-important Under-10s soccer match. The other parents cheer and yell encouragement (and other things - usually to a 12-year-old ref). I just can't get in the spirit. For one thing, shouting's not in my nature and I can't bring myself to leap out of my seat and bellow across a large field. I wonder what the other parents think of me. ..."

Great Breastpectations

Alice Osborne was determined to breastfeed her newborn son, but both he, and a wayward truck, had other plans.

" ‘I'd much rather have a happy mum who can put all her energy into enjoying my company and loving me,' concluded William, my three-month-old son, in a letter he wrote (via my husband) trying to persuade me once again that it was okay to stop our breastfeeding struggle. His letter, entitled ‘Reasons why my mummy shouldn't feel guilty about breastfeeding', was written about one week before we were hit by a truck, and my outlook on the importance of breastmilk was put into perspective.

"Ever since I can remember, I had assumed I would be a breastfeeding mother. During my first pregnancy, I sought as much breastfeeding knowledge as I could lay my hands on. I joined the Breastfeeding Association, attended classes, read books and questioned friends and family. I heard horror stories of mastitis, abscesses, thrush and cracked nipples, but overall, the information I gained led me to believe that no matter what difficulties I might face, it would happen eventually with the right help, some general persistence and tolerance for excruciating pain. It never occurred to me that my baby might have other plans. ..."

A FIFO Life

Mother of two Louisa Gibson discovers how grounded she can be as she copes with the impact of her husband's fly in, fly out employment.

"I live in the twilight zone between wife and single mother. Like many others, my husband is a fly-in fly-out (FIFO) worker, and we live around his ‘11 days away and three days home' roster. When he is away, I switch into organised mode, focusing on our daughters, the household routine and getting the job done. I miss him, yes, and his support certainly, but I try not to entertain those thoughts for too long. Instead, I look at what is important right now. ..."

Lives Less Ordinary

A chance encounter leads Steve Biddulph to reflect on the nature of families and the challenges we all face.

"... She looks into the distance for a second. "We had a few problems too," she says softly. "Two of mine had cystic fibrosis." My mind is going fast here, because the conversation has taken a deeper turn. I know what a diagnosis of cystic fibrosis can mean, but she gets there before me. "Our little girl lived until she was five. Our son only got to 18 months. He didn't have to suffer so much." The awfulness of this sends ripples through my body, and I can only mumble something about how hard that must have been. She doesn't miss a beat, telling me that their three other girls are just fine, and are grown now with kids of their own. In the sum of things she's been blessed, I think is how she sees it. ..."

NEW: Special Series - Country Views

For most of us, getting our kids to school entails a short drive, walk or bus trip. But for families in rural and remote communities, it can be a very different story, reports Genevieve Barlow.

"The first night Lexie Brownhall stayed at the hostel where she would board so she could attend high school, her parents Kylie and Brett were anxious. The graziers from Jandowae, three-and-a-half hours west of Brisbane, wanted to give their 12-year-old daughter the best education they could. Dalby High School was too far at an hour's bus ride away, and the local Prep-10 government school had just 13 students in Years 8 to 10. It wasn't enough for Lexie.

"They chose instead to send their bright daughter to a hostel where she could board during the week while attending Chinchilla State High School, also an hour away. At least she could come home on the weekends - boarding school was another option, but would have meant fewer visits home. The Brownhalls weren't ready for that. "I was anxious and had so many mixed emotions," says Kylie of her daughter's leaving. "I sobbed. I thought, ‘I can't believe we are doing this', but we didn't let her know how we were feeling, because we didn't want her to know we were sad."

"Many parents in rural Australia face this scenario each year after making sometimes painful decisions about education. ..."

Special Series - D3: Diversity, Difference & Diagnosis

Senses And Sensitivities

Monica Wright struggled to find a diagnosis for her daughter's unusual behaviours, but persistence paid off.

"I have a four-year-old daughter. When people first meet her, they usually describe her as lively, clever, outgoing, friendly, affectionate and talkative. As they get to know her better they'd probably like to add descriptors such as difficult, stubborn, irritable, impatient and volatile. Most people would put these traits down to a mix of personality and behaviour, but there's another reason, known only to those close to her.

"My daughter has a neurological condition called sensory processing disorder (SPD). SPD affects the way she receives and interprets sights, sounds, touch, tastes, smells and movement. People with SPD may feel overwhelmed by sensory information, or, conversely, seek out sensory experiences. ..."

Book Reviews

This month, David Witt reviews:

The Little Refugee written by Anh Do and Suzanne Do and illustrated by Bruce Whatley.

Bureau Of Mysteries written by H.J. Harper and illustrated by Nahum Ziersch.

Diary Of A Soccer Start written by Shamini Flint and illustrated by Sally Heinrich.

The Tunnels Of Tarcoola written by Jennifer Walsh.

And Veronicah Larkin reviews:

Edge Of The World written by Ian Trevaskis and illustrated by Wayne Harris.

Bush Bash! written by Sally Morgan and illustrated by Ambelin Kwaymullina.

Demolition written by Sally Sutton and illustrated by Brian Lovelock.

King Jack and the Dragon written by Peter Bently and illustrated by Helen Oxenbury.

Grand Times - Drawing Out Meaning

Grandmother Rose O'Reilly writes:

"My godson Toby likes to draw. Now six years old, he specialises in army tanks and guns, but he also likes to draw stars, monsters and jet planes and to tell everyone about them. He would much rather draw and talk than write. The only way I can get him to write is to ask him to compose a list of what he would like for his birthday: "1.  A woopee coochin. 2. A elicshronic litsaber."

"I love to read beginners' writing. In my experience as an early-childhood teacher, once children are brave enough to spell phonetically they can write and write. They taste the pleasure of expressing themselves this way, of telling their stories with words as well as pictures, and then they become ready to learn standard spelling and punctuation. The first step, though, is for them to have the confidence to write. ..."

Your Views

This month's letters to the editor relate to the dream of having a place in the country to visit regularly from a home in the city, and families sponsoring children in underprivileged countries.

You can access our online calendar, which is full of wonderful activities and events for families occurring in Melbourne this month, at www.webchild.com.au, clicking on Calendar.